So… do you like… Stuff?

Week Two: Swimwear for Stuff Magazine

This week is weird. They just did a swimwear shoot, so hey, let’s do another one! Why, Tyra? Why? Explain your reasoning, please. Also, they eliminated Katie for being “too sexy”, even though that’s really what a Stuff photoshoot requires. Then again, the judges were all smoking something crazy before panel this week because they liked all the photos except Katie’s, and some of them are straight up fug. I also hate the set, with the weird water-running-on-glass with giant light orbs…

The thing that bothers me most about this shoot though is that the photos selected clearly aren’t the girls’ best shots, evidenced by the fact that they had a spread in an issue of Stuff with much better photos. I don’t understand why they chose these photos to be presented at panel if the magazine clearly didn’t think much of them and chose other photos. I’m going to make a bonus post where I rank all of the photos that appear in the magazine, although I won’t add it to the averages (note that Robin and Shannon* don’t appear, either because they didn’t want to or because their photos were all shit. Both are quite plausible. And Tessa got two photos in the magazine despite being eliminated last week).

*EDIT: Found Shannon’s, thanks to alltopmodelblog… surely Robin’s must be out there somewhere…

Anyway, without further ado, this week’s best photo belongs to:

1) Elyse

Way to hide your flaws, Elyse! Wow! Elyse has a great body for high fashion, but not really for swimwear, as seen last week. But seriously she did an amazing job making her body work for the shoot. She was wearing a padded bra, but I’m pretty sure she didn’t have a booty tooch pad on (since those weren’t invented til Cycle 18…), and it still looks like she has an ass. And she didn’t even need a lesson from Tyra in the art of the booty tooch! On top of that she’s giving great face (even though she personally didn’t like it). Nice work, Elyse!

2) Adrianne

Adrianne is still amazing, as this photo show. I love how it’s quite a simple pose, but she’s very engaging. Her body is amazing, and I love how she contorted it, making it a little more “fashion” (ugh, Tyra, get out of my head!). Her face is great, she’s really drawing you in with her eyes. And blue is definitely her colour. Great photo!

3) Ebony

By far Ebony’s best photo on the show. Her smile is radiant, and her face is so beautiful. That said though, I still have issues with it. Her stomach looks a little untoned and she’s got some crazy Tyra-esque vagina arms going on. I also don’t like her bikini all that much – that piece of fabric cross one boob and not the other makes it look like it’s been ripped, although that’s not Ebony’s fault. And I wish the light hadn’t made her lips look quite as shiny, but that’s just a nitpick. Fairly good photo.

4) Shannon

So Shannon stepped it up a lot from last week. She still looks scarily thin (much thinner than Elyse ever looked), and I can’t comprehend where her boobs disappear to in swimsuit photoshoots because she doesn’t look that flat-chested in other photos. Maybe it’s down to the style of bikini they give her? I don’t know… But regardless, her face actually looks pretty this week, and overall it is a pretty good photo of Shannon.

5) Katie (Eliminated)

There’s not much else to say, really. The judges did hate this more than anything else this week (God knows why), so it’s understandable that they eliminated her. But really, if the judges had any common sense, they would have kept Katie around for at least one more week. She definitely deserved another chance; it doesn’t make sense to eliminate someone with a good photo over several others with terrible photos, just because of something as silly as looking too sexy in a bikini. Put her in a couture gown, then criticise her for being too sexy, damn it! Stupid. Anyway, this photo is nowhere near as great as last week’s, but still pretty good all the same. Last week’s was effortlessly gorgeous, this week she looks like she’s trying too hard. Her face is a little questionable, but it’s still acceptable. Stupid elimination.

6) Giselle

As much as I love Giselle, I can’t say I love this. Yes her legs look amazing again, but I don’t really like the rest of the photo at all. Her torso looks really wide and way out of proportion with her Amazonian legs. Her face looks mannish and confused, and her boobs look like their about to pop out from that tiny corset-y thing she’s wearing.

7) Nicole

Who pissed off Sarah Jessica Parker, here? I’ll give her that her body looks great – quite men’s magazine, but also somewhat fashion-y. But that face – ugh. I think she’s trying to do a sexy snarl, but it just comes off as stank. No thank you.

8) Kesse

Kesse’s body looks much better this week, especially her boobs. But her right arm looks paralysed, and she’s duckfacing with dead eyes. Not a lot else to say, this does nothing for me at all. But at least she looks like she’d belong in Stuff, unlike…

9) Robin

So the judges comments on this piece of shit were hilarious. Beau Quillian (who?) said her face was “beautiful” and “did not say twenty-six”. While it’s not a beautiful picture of Robin at all, he is half right – the face doesn’t say 26, it says 50 (and manly). Also, Janice Dickinson was wearing the same cheap looking necklace Robin has here.

But really, I can’t believe they like this. Her lips look weird, her stomach looks untoned, her boobs look saggy, and she looks as though she’d rather be anywhere else in the world. Props I guess for taking off the sarong under Tyra’s orders, even though we don’t get to see it in the final product. God, I hate this photo.

————————————————————————————————————————————————————————–

AVERAGES

  1. Adrianne (2.0) 2/2
  2. Elyse (3.5) 6/1
  3. Giselle (3.5) 1/6
  4. Katie (4.0) 3/5 – Eliminated Week 2
  5. Ebony (5.0) 7/3
  6. Nicole (5.5) 4/7
  7. Shannon (7.0) 10/4
  8. Robin (7.0) 5/9
  9. Kesse (8.0) 8/8
  10. Tessa (9.0) 9 – Eliminated Week 1
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  1. #1 by alltopmodelblog on May 17, 2012 - 2:44 am

    1. Elyse
    2. Adrianne
    3. Nicole
    4. Ebony
    5. Katie
    6. Shannon
    7. Giselle
    8. Robin
    9. Kesse

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