Jump Up, Jump Up and Get Down!

Week Five: Reebok Ad with Clinton Portis

This shoot… eh. So many issues. Most of them are weirdly cropped so that you can’t see their shoes, despite it being a shoe ad. Clinton adds absolutely nothing to most of the photos. The elimination was absolute shit. Let’s just get this over with.

1) Elyse

Elyse managed to do everything right here, but it is Elyse we’re talking about. She’s in another league compared to the other girls. She probably benefits from her photo not being strangely cropped, but still. The shoes are in frame, and she’s selling them really well (if you can picture how the shoes would look in everyone else’s full shots, Elyse is doing the best). The pose is dynamic, and she’s actually interacting with Clinton. This is one of the few photos where he add something to it. Go Elyse!

2) Giselle (Eliminated)

Wow. Best pose, bar none. THIS is how you do a jumping shot. She’s using all her limbs, and they’re all in control. She has remarkable control over her face as well, something many ANTM girls fail at in jumping shots. She’s penising a little, but that’s probably the stylist’s fault. I only place this second to Elyse’s because she’s not utilising Clinton at all. And where the fuck are her shoes? Seriously, I watched the episode. She was wearing shoes during the shoot. Did she take them off for a couple of frames? It’s a shoe ad, Giselle. What are you doing? That said though, why eliminate Giselle for a lack of self-confidence, when you can eliminate others who can’t model…?

3) Adrianne

Adrianne’s athletic body is perfect for this shoot. Her limbs are perfectly in control, her right arm looks awesome. She’s selling the one shoe in frame really well, too. Really, this, like Giselle’s, could have been my first call-out, but she didn’t use Clinton at all, and her pose isn’t quite as amazing as Giselle, but still very good.

4) Shannon

I do really like this, it’s unfortunate that it’s in the bottom half of the call-outs. The three above her are just light-years better. This was supposed to be a movement shoot, and she didn’t move at all – she’s just standing and posing, like a regular photoshoot. But at least she looks good doing it. Her body looks great here – like a healthy, skinny model, as opposed to her anorexic look from a few weeks ago. I do like the pose, but I wish she had moved more. Also, points for using Clinton – he’s not just derping in the background here.

5) Robin

Both the bottom two photos are hilariously bad. Her face is completely blank, her pose looks silly, her body looks horribly untoned. The weird cropping adds to the hilarity – where’s the rest of her body? The funniest part for me, though, is Clinton. I don’t know what it is – maybe it’s the way he’s framed by Robin’s arm and leg, drawing attention to him just standing there looking Clueless. It doesn’t look like he’s lustin’, though…

6) Kesse

I don’t think anything I have to say about this photo can top Janice’s critique:

“This looks like she escaped from a mental institution. This is the worst photograph I’ve ever seen. You look deranged, your arms look amputeed, your legs look amputeed, and it looks like you have a penis, I’m sorry.”

Granted, her likeness to Tyra is quite evident here. But Tyra can actually model, and Kesse is really just the poor man’s Tyra.



  1. Elyse (2.60) – 6/1/1/4/1
  2. Giselle (3.00) – 1/6/4/2/2 – Eliminated Week 5
  3. Adrianne (3.20) – 2/2/3/6/3
  4. Katie (4.00) – 3/5 – Eliminated Week 2
  5. Shannon (5.00) – 10/4/2/5/4
  6. Robin (5.40) – 5/9/5/3/5
  7. Nicole (5.67) – 4/7/6 – Eliminated Week 3
  8. Kesse (6.00) – 8/8/7/1/6
  9. Ebony (6.25) – 7/3/8/7 – Eliminated Week 4
  10. Tessa (9.00) – 9 – Eliminated Week 1

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